Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
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So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
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Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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