Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I enjoy the company of your penis
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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