She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
