Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's rum buckets o'clock
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
