Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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