apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
