Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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