I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
