After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
