you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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