I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
