Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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