I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
