Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
