How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
