When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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