maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
