just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Dear god my vagina.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
