was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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