I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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