dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
