I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Randomize
