Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
