Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
