Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
