the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
