Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
