I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
