The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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