I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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