Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
