Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
