I skipped work to stalk him.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
