I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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