I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
