East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
