Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
