Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize