You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
