Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
