Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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