He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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