Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
