Umm I'm too high to move.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
