id be glad to
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
