No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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