She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
