he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
worst night to have a conscience
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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