Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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