I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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