i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
