All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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