this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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