I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
