Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
