I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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