We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
