were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
