I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
