I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
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Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
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Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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