it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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