my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
