She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
