His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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