South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
