I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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