Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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